How long does it take to move on?
It may have been a long-term relationship that you had to get out of. It might have been an excruciating break up. Yet these women attest that how quickly you recover lies in your hands—or, at least in the loving hands of a hot new male distraction.
Having a new male distraction
For 24-year-old Lena, having a new male distraction makes it easier to bounce back. “Based on my last relationships, it’s safe to say it takes me roughly three to four months to recover, if I already have someone else to shower with attention right away,” she reveals.
Amber, 26, says, “It helps to have that one guy friend who’s there to be your date whenever you need one,” says Amber. “Friends with benefits could be helpful, too, to restore that shattered self-confidence and make you feel desirable and wanted again. It is not advisable for emotional recovery, however, because nothing serious ever comes out of it.”
Vicki, 23, also gives a note of caution on channeling one’s affections too quickly to the next guy. “When I broke up with my first boyfriend, I started dating immediately, thinking that a new guy would do the trick. So I found a ‘rebound skank’ in the person of BF Number 2. But even if we tried, it just wouldn’t work so I broke it off eventually. And it wasn’t friendly.”
It comes from within
Moving on takes a lot of your own strength and willpower—more than external factors which are beyond your control. How long it takes you to recover depends largely on how long you allow yourself to remain in the “getting over” stage.
Imparts Nique, 30, who is very much single and proudly enjoying it, “It took me a year to a year-and-a-half to recover, but I realized that if you don’t help yourself, it will be more difficult to get out of that rut. I had to move on from the denial stage; acceptance was the key.” To Nique, it really was a decision she had to make. “I guess one day I just woke up and realized I’m not in love with him anymore. There was no closure but I decided to move on,” she says.
‘Moving on takes a lot of your own strength and willpower—more than external factors which are beyond your control’
In the case of Amber, it usually takes her an average of a month to recover, during which she realizes that “I was actually just wallowing in self-pity. I would then get fed up with feeling guilty over breaking up with him and decide to enjoy my life as I envisioned it,” she says. She is now going steady with the man she declares is “the love of her life.”
In the article “Getting Over a Relationship Break Up,” the author cited a finding by a University of California neuroscientist which states that the feeling of rejection during a breakup registers on the same part of the brain as that of physical pain, which explains the pain we associate with a break up. And while the physical pain of being punched on the gut can be cured by a doctor, it is not exactly the case for breakups. The article cites time as one of the ways by which to achieve healing.
So, take your time. You are the only one who can ascertain when you are ready to move on. Just allow these women’s stories to help you not waste too much of your precious minutes on hurting.
Having a new male distraction
For 24-year-old Lena, having a new male distraction makes it easier to bounce back. “Based on my last relationships, it’s safe to say it takes me roughly three to four months to recover, if I already have someone else to shower with attention right away,” she reveals.
Amber, 26, says, “It helps to have that one guy friend who’s there to be your date whenever you need one,” says Amber. “Friends with benefits could be helpful, too, to restore that shattered self-confidence and make you feel desirable and wanted again. It is not advisable for emotional recovery, however, because nothing serious ever comes out of it.”
Vicki, 23, also gives a note of caution on channeling one’s affections too quickly to the next guy. “When I broke up with my first boyfriend, I started dating immediately, thinking that a new guy would do the trick. So I found a ‘rebound skank’ in the person of BF Number 2. But even if we tried, it just wouldn’t work so I broke it off eventually. And it wasn’t friendly.”
It comes from within
Moving on takes a lot of your own strength and willpower—more than external factors which are beyond your control. How long it takes you to recover depends largely on how long you allow yourself to remain in the “getting over” stage.
Imparts Nique, 30, who is very much single and proudly enjoying it, “It took me a year to a year-and-a-half to recover, but I realized that if you don’t help yourself, it will be more difficult to get out of that rut. I had to move on from the denial stage; acceptance was the key.” To Nique, it really was a decision she had to make. “I guess one day I just woke up and realized I’m not in love with him anymore. There was no closure but I decided to move on,” she says.
‘Moving on takes a lot of your own strength and willpower—more than external factors which are beyond your control’
In the case of Amber, it usually takes her an average of a month to recover, during which she realizes that “I was actually just wallowing in self-pity. I would then get fed up with feeling guilty over breaking up with him and decide to enjoy my life as I envisioned it,” she says. She is now going steady with the man she declares is “the love of her life.”
In the article “Getting Over a Relationship Break Up,” the author cited a finding by a University of California neuroscientist which states that the feeling of rejection during a breakup registers on the same part of the brain as that of physical pain, which explains the pain we associate with a break up. And while the physical pain of being punched on the gut can be cured by a doctor, it is not exactly the case for breakups. The article cites time as one of the ways by which to achieve healing.
So, take your time. You are the only one who can ascertain when you are ready to move on. Just allow these women’s stories to help you not waste too much of your precious minutes on hurting.
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