How not to say "I love you"
Have you ever been in a relationship when you constantly say, “I love you”? Or were you in a situation when you can’t even say those three words?
The most important lesson about the words “I love you” is this: Your actions must always be in-sync with these words—or the meaning behind this statement becomes null and void!
Andrew Christensen, a psychologist at UCLA, explains that when one is saying “I love you” too many times a day (that means three times or more), this signals an underlying anxiety disorder. Just as a person with an anxiety disorder might check over and over again to make sure a door is locked.
“Sometimes these are almost like compulsive acts. If someone really does it that often, she could be seeking reassurance.” Christensen adds that “Perhaps she feels he is such a wonderful catch and she can’t do any better, and that he has more options,” he says. “That could make her feel insecure in the relationship. Being directly or indirectly aware of a power differential can lead to anxiety and reassurance seeking.”
To prevent from possibly annoying your guy, here are some tips for saying those three little (but so big!) words.
1) Don’t rush; be sure to really mean what you say. You may express your feelings on the phone, in person, on line, by mail. Choose your favorite way, you may change it at any time. Think about how you'd like to let your partner know the way you feel, keeping in mind that uttering those words may give birth to a lifelong memory. If spontaneity works for you, wait for the perfect moment. If you're more methodical, consider writing a love letter first, then telling your mate in person the next time you get together.
2) After you’ve said, “I love you,” tell him the specific traits and habits that you love about him. Don’t just repeat this generic phrase or you will chew the entire flavor out of it. Hold his hands, and make eye contact, this gives the moment the intimacy it deserves.
3) Don’t say your first “I love you” during a time of intensity—be that either making love or making war. If you say it during sex, your partner may doubt the sincerity of your proclamation. If you say it during a fight, you might only be doing so to gain control of the situation.
Remember it’s always better to learn new ways to say or express what you feel.
The most important lesson about the words “I love you” is this: Your actions must always be in-sync with these words—or the meaning behind this statement becomes null and void!
Andrew Christensen, a psychologist at UCLA, explains that when one is saying “I love you” too many times a day (that means three times or more), this signals an underlying anxiety disorder. Just as a person with an anxiety disorder might check over and over again to make sure a door is locked.
“Sometimes these are almost like compulsive acts. If someone really does it that often, she could be seeking reassurance.” Christensen adds that “Perhaps she feels he is such a wonderful catch and she can’t do any better, and that he has more options,” he says. “That could make her feel insecure in the relationship. Being directly or indirectly aware of a power differential can lead to anxiety and reassurance seeking.”
To prevent from possibly annoying your guy, here are some tips for saying those three little (but so big!) words.
1) Don’t rush; be sure to really mean what you say. You may express your feelings on the phone, in person, on line, by mail. Choose your favorite way, you may change it at any time. Think about how you'd like to let your partner know the way you feel, keeping in mind that uttering those words may give birth to a lifelong memory. If spontaneity works for you, wait for the perfect moment. If you're more methodical, consider writing a love letter first, then telling your mate in person the next time you get together.
2) After you’ve said, “I love you,” tell him the specific traits and habits that you love about him. Don’t just repeat this generic phrase or you will chew the entire flavor out of it. Hold his hands, and make eye contact, this gives the moment the intimacy it deserves.
3) Don’t say your first “I love you” during a time of intensity—be that either making love or making war. If you say it during sex, your partner may doubt the sincerity of your proclamation. If you say it during a fight, you might only be doing so to gain control of the situation.
Remember it’s always better to learn new ways to say or express what you feel.
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